Calvin Rees’ DemoOkie

Dear Red States:
 
We’ve decided we’re leaving. We intend to form our own country, and 
we’re taking the other Blue States with us. In case you aren’t 
aware, that includes California , Hawaii , Oregon , Washington , 
Minnesota, Wisconsin , Michigan , Illinois and all the Northeast. We 
believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially 
to the people of the new country of New California.
 
To sum up briefly: You get Texas , Oklahoma and all the slave 
states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get the 
Statue of Liberty . You get Dollywood. We get Intel and Microsoft. 
You get WorldCom. We get Harvard. You get Ole’ Miss. We get 85 
percent of America ’s venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get 
Alabama. We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the 
red states pay their fair share.
 
Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the 
Christian Coalition’s, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a 
bunch of single moms. Please be aware that Nuevo California will be 
pro-choice and anti-war, and we’re going to want all our citizens 
back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your 
evangelicals. They have kids they’re apparently willing to send to 
their deaths for no purpose, and they don’t care if you don’t show 
pictures of their children’s caskets coming home. We do wish you 
success in Iraq , and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we’re not 
willing to spend our resources in Bush’s Quagmire.
 
With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 
percent of the country’s fresh water, more than 90 percent of the 
pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation’s fresh fruit, 95 
percent of America ’s quality wines (you can serve French wines at 
state dinners) 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high 
tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living 
redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister 
schools plus Stanford , Cal Tech and MIT. With the Red States, on 
the other hand, you will have to cope with 88 percent of all obese 
Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92 percent of 
all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90 
percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists, 
virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob 
JonesUniversity , Clemson and the University of Georgia . We get 
Hollywoodand Yosemite , thank you.
 
Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah 
was actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is 
sacred unless we’re discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 
percent say that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam 
was involved in 9/11 and 61 percent of you  crazies believe 
you are people with higher morals then we lefties.
 
 
Peace out,
 
Blue States
  
 Earl D. Mitchell, Jr.

Filed under: Humor